Talent and Talking

Sorry I'm still pretty swamped and busy so haven't posted for a while but I have a few thoughts swimming in my head so thought I better share them! I've been looking at the stats and thank you to all you regular readers - I'm a bit crap at English and haven't really done any of those cool things that you can do on blogs so your viewership is great and I'm grateful.

So first things first, I've been wondering, does a person have one particular talent/purpose? We had a Leaver's concert thing yesterday which was incredible and everyone played so beautifully. There are those people that are so musically talented, it astounds me. I have not an inch of musical talent! (Other than listening to good music and knowing a lot of lyrics to songs). Then there are those others that are incredible at sport, those that are so academically amazing, those arty types etc.. and it's just made me think.. what is my particular talent? With most people you can define them with one thing - you know, 'Oh I know (so and so) they are so good at the piano!' but I've been thinking.. I don't think I have a particular talent. Other than maybe a talent for talking too much. But is that a good thing or a bad thing? Some people say that it is better to be an all rounder (though I'm not sure I'm even that..), but is that really true?

And do I have a purpose..? Some people seem so sure about what they want to do in the future, what they want to achieve from life.. but to be honest, as perfect as the LOST medic sheep shows, I am so lost. I can't seem to find that one thing that I know I want to do without any doubts, that will use my best qualities best. Some people find their niches so easily - I'm jealous! Even subjects wise, my whole school career I don't think I've ever had that one subject that I've been really good at/known for, which made picking A Levels etc really hard! I loved all my GCSE subjects. It does however mean that you become uncredited I think - for example at our school we have subject prizes and not that I've ever wanted one, I know I'd never get one for a subject as for each one you'd have the receivers as the ones doing the subject at uni/where that subject is their best one.

Speaking of talking too much... It made me think of a second thing. Is being bubbly and talking to much a really bad thing? I always get told I talk too much, heck, in one particular lesson, the teacher regularly calls on me for this (though in a banterous way, and to be honest she does spur me on) and even though I talk a lot more in her lessons than usual, speaking with so many other people and seeing how I am at school, it has made me wonder.. whilst being bubbly and talkative can put a smile on some people's faces does it just mean that you aren't taken seriously? I often consider if people are actually listening to what I say, or if they think I just say too many words with little substance. Even in other circumstances when I do say something concise, accurate and right to an answer, there are so many cases when it's been too quiet/the teacher/others thinking it had been someone else that had said it than me (or also when you say it quietly and your next door student says what you said louder).

Yet with all this disappointment in the back of my mind and a hidden sadness, I love that I have this opportunity to just be care free, talk a lot and just enjoy the moment. Being able to be a little cheeky with banter, and talking a lot about other things lets all my worries and thoughts just disappear for a while and gives that moment of 'everything's going to be alright'. Plus I'm a sucker for laughter and fun, and I really do think it makes you happier and healthier - no one likes the frigid, unjoyful one.

Just before I wrote this I told a friend exactly these thoughts and he then responded with 'well if you are worried people wouldn't take you seriously if you talk a lot would you change that?' and the truth is - NO.

Yes, I understand in some circumstances talking a lot is not the most appropriate method of communication and I would acknowledge and use that but HELL to the NO am I changing who I am. Speaking a lot and having a 'jolly' (not drunk jolly) persona is just who I am and if people have a problem with that then they need to talk and have a bit of a laugh themselves. I'm not going to try and change who I am and turn into someone else or someone that others (close minded people) prefer.

But one thing only a few people do know and realise is that whilst I may talk a lot, i'm actually a very private person. I don't always express what I'm actually feeling (I don't like everyone knowing/gossiping about the intricies of my personal (and not anecdotal) life) and just cover it with laughter and banter. One of my best friends thinks that's a bad thing right now though as it means that everyone thinks that I've passed over this whole rejection/failure thing very quickly so don't support me but to be honest I really don't want to be molly-coddled, and just prefer being able to talk a lot and be cheeky. Though on a side note, some important head people talked to my Mum yesterday and I find it so weird that all these teachers and people are talking behind my back about 'how sad and upset' I was in March after the rejections yet only one teacher (who I wouldn't have thought) actually asked me if I was ok when I really wasn't. Maybe they thought that as I'm too talkative I'd just tell everyone. Hmm.

Update

Hey everyone,

Really sorry that I've not posted in ages I've been really really busy! But I will offer you a quick update now as to everything thats happening:

So a Gap Year I've decided is definately a go go. Plans look amazing and I'm so excited that I know this is an opportunity that I can't pass up. Everything is fitting into place! Apart from the fact that I'm not completely sure if I want to study Medicine at the undergraduate stage yet, but hey no rush to decide, just got a bout two months with exams in the middle. Better focus on exams primarily!
Some of us U6 Medics had to speak to some L6 potential medics, and with all the information that i've acquired and all the things that I've been through and my advice, I had tonnes to say. I think I completely overwhelmed them but hey they need to realise that just because you have great grades and haven't met any disappointments yet doesn't mean that the medical application is going to be an easy journey. I wish I had had that dronned into me last year, and hopefully they will realise how competitive it is and be grateful this time next year. Someone did comment though that maybe I shouldn't have given them all this advice as it just increases my competition if I go for Medicine again next year but hey, gotta help.

Last week was the first few days of my last EVER term at school. Getting really quite scary!! I don't want to leave I love school. Had a few jokes lessons, and its nice to again be able to joke around and be happy and just not worry about the university stresses. That said there does seem to still be this awful disappointed presence in the back of my mind. Though with one teacher and lesson, even though I don't think the teacher takes me seriously at all and thinks I'm an absolute nutcase, it's nice to just feel and be care free whilst I can get away from it and not be anxious and worried.

Besides school and academic institutionalisedness, how can I not comment on the wedding!! (Royal one that is, more on the other wedding later) Felt the Britannia spirit full on, and decided to go into town. Went to Green Park where there were HEAPS of people and then on a royal pub food crawl with some family friends. Favourite one had to be 'The Clarence' pub by Green Park where there was a naked (and well toned) man wearing just a union jack thong. Spirit there was so lively and hilarious! My momma in her usual style left home in the very early hours and was by Pall Mall. She managed to get some great photos and was so near the front to see everyone pass by and the balcony scene. LOVED Wills driving the Aston Martin. Pretty annoyed though as that is what I wanted to happen at my wedding! darn them for stealing it. Sadly we didn't get to go to any proper street party's but went to Royal Wedding parties nevertheless which were equally fun. I also adored Kate's dress, it was so so pretty and beautiful and she looked amazing. As did Pippa.. definately agree that she stole the show. What she wore as the maid of honour - I would totally wear that as a wedding dress! That bridesmaid that pulled a bit of a strop on the balcony was also legendary and so cute. Ooh hated what a lot of the guests were wearing though - what was Beatrice and Eugenie wearing? and Princess Anne? Curtains?

The next day we went to Westminster Abbey to see how it all was. It was so pretty and the trees made the atmopshere and abbey so serene and beautiful. One flower fell and well, I may (or may not) have picked it up. Was told that it was going to go into the bin anyways.

So yeah on other news and the other wedding/engagementnes.. I have SO many weddings to go to this year. Its crazy and naturally half of the weddings and wedding events clash with other events like my Leavers Service and Ball. Grrr. It's also really annoying to try and find a few equally nice and appropriate clothes to wear. Same crowd at a few of them so it's not even as though I can wear the same clothes again to another wedding.

Loving the continued sunshine.. have fully transformed into my summer wardrobe and I love my summer clothes so its been fun. Really annoying having to stay indoors and revise rather than be outside. I do fall asleep though in the sun so maybe its a bit of a good thing.

Ah right I have to quickly go.. sorry for this mahooosive essay but thought I'd fill you in since it's been ages since my last post. I had more to say but I've got to go so I'll post a bit later. Ciao!