Even though I've had a really nice relaxing day, I still find that internally and constantly at the back of my mind I'm anxious and still slightly sad about the university situation. Definitely doesn't help when everyone's talking about their Firm choices/student finance etc! But I've seen a change in the way I'm regarding it all. I've accepted it now and have taken my own advice that I 'preached' to the school to stop comparing myself with those that have had such successes this year who I thought were pretty similar to me.
And also for the first time in ages, I actually felt motivated to do some work for the love of learning! - I've always thought that people should love to learn and learn about the things that interest them, and NOT just words to pass an exam (this is probably after seeing the film 3 Idiots which I really really recommend, even if it is an Indian film - it will change your perspective on education) . Recently I'd just been ploughing along, having no energy to do any work especially after the 'too academic' feedback - Whats the point if I don't even have an offer to meet/no uni cares about my grades? Why, if a few teachers don't appreciate effort but just full marks? This was especially heightened after results - I had NO emotion to my results. I didn't even care if they were good (or bad). And during that time when I couldn't stop comparing myself, I found myself against my will and silently in the corners of my brain having negative views that there are some people who have medicine offers which they will just about meet after lots of retakes, and here I am with cambridge ums marks retaking none. But today I've started a new book about the genetic differences and evolutions between me and women by Steve Jones and it's so good. Also reminds me the amount of interest and effort I took/put into outside fields of medicine not covered by the A levels which NONE of my interviewers asked about and I know makes me a little different from other applicants.
Oh man just re-reading the last bit of this paragraph ^ makes me feel so guilty and selfish. So so glad that I've stop these comparisons - what a waste of energy! But yeah, although I'm starting to get REALLY frustrated with this waiting, the fact that I'm being so reflective and changing my attitude is really making me feel better. Ah what the UCAS (and maybe the growing-up competitive) system does to you.
Edit: About comments by me on my grades/results in this post and in any other post in this blog - I'm not one to boast and brag about grades, but I feel its a tiny bit necessary here in order that this blog can be useful to you, either to get an idea or to help you with your medical school application in the future. Hehe actually in thinking about one of my initial posts - maybe I'm doing this because I feel I have to prove to you that I do actually have an amount of smartness and work hard and am not a complete thick lazy ditz that obtained all (well its probably going to be all by the end of this week) rejections.
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