Lovely weather p.s.

OOOOH i've just been alerted to the fact that I can do TONNES of funky things in my posts. Didn't even realise. So sorry that previous posts (besides the picture) have been boring and just a blob of writing with no cool colours, videos or anything. Appreciate that you've still been reading it though! Look out for some better, funky posts!

p.s. Also I've now reached the 1+ 100+ reads a day mark! oooh exciting!!

Lovely weather!

Ah I just can't get over how gorgeous this weather is. I have  found the perfect solution to any worries/for time to think - walking in beautiful places with beautiful sunshine. Yesterday just hopped in the car went to a random place (decided on Henley on Thames), parked at a random car park and went for a lovely walk. Was absolutely gorgeous and pretty and I've decided I want either my wedding, or a reception or something along/on this river. One of the guys I went with wants his wedding there too, but its fine, I shotgunned/bagsy-ed (whatever you call it!) - though you readers, let me know if you are planning to choose this place too. There was this lovely boardwalk kind of thing in the middle of the river and thames path, here I'll attach my very first picture:

OK the picture doesn't really do it justice. But it was so peaceful and beautiful nevertheless.

So the long walk then and even this morning at Regents Park has given my lots of time to think. I'm completely at peace now with all the rejections, and for the first time yesterday when I was thinking about it or talking to people about it I didn't have a sad heart at all! Lovely feeling. And I'm finally sleeping well which is a huge  plus. Though I think I need to stop eating so much ice cream. Had it 4  times yesterday (though in different forms, ice cones, scoops etc), and I think someone's getting a bit worried that I'm becoming attached to it or something.

Have been revising in the Sun which has actually been good fun. I have however gone to another level in terms of notes/posters in my wall - last year I introduced glitter glues, and now thanks to a birthday present form a friend, I've used a lot of smelly pens. My M3 formulas smell of banana's its awesome.

Anyways, better go now, am going to be spending a few hours writing wedding invitations!! (LOL not my own. haha, I may have selected a possible venue but don't get ahead of the game ;)) The wedding season has well and truely started!

First day of revision = fail

So thought that I'd make a start on revision and have a really productive day. What a fail. I did make some sort of a start though and did a little bit. But spent the majority of time looking up what I could do/where I could go on my gap year, online internet window shopping (haha), played a few online games, skyped a few people, spent time on wikipedia learning about sharks and wales, and also rearranged all my stationary.

Ooh and also ate a LOT of food. Fruit to be precise, and I'm quite proud of that, usually I just raid the junk cupboard.

Also had a delivery from an order I placed a while ago. Got so excited and quickly opened it up to realise - Oh maayn, I had ordered most clothes from the maternity section. Wah. So re-packaged most and sent it off again. Have kept one top though that is meant to be maternity - you can't tell though. Don't judge.

Got a really busy weekend this weekend starting off early on Saturday morning, and as I have to visit some family tonight can you believe it I'm going to stay in this Friday night :) Have also lost my oyster card (it is somewhere) which is making travel a bit annoying. Did have an offer for a BBQ at lovely person's house and also a dinner in Baker Street, but sadly had to decline because of my unproductive day and 5am wake up tomorrow grrr. And also could totally tell that my parents would be unimpressed because I've been out every night this week.

So yeah, ladida, that's Friday for me today. POW.

p.s. on Lost Medic Sheep news, revision, whilst a good distraction just gives more time to think about the gap year and university situation. GRR! I actually spent time looking on UCAS extra to see what I could possibly do so that I'm not a lost sheep and nearly, just nearly, clicked on Criminal Medicine and psychology at a remote university college in Wales.

Flowers

Had a lovely day today in Regents Park and have decided to add it to my revision routine. The place was gorgeous! The prettiest flowers everywhere and with the sunshine and summery clothes it felt like July rather than April! Healthwise, some people say that sunshine makes people happier - heck science has proved it and I can definately vouch for that. I wonder if sun rays falling on our skins release actual endorphins (besides maybe causing skin cancer and helping with Vitamin D). I've spent the whole day feeling so happy and relaxed. All those university troubles and anxiety feels miles away. Though this may just be because I'm preoccupied with the weather and not cooped inside to wallow in sadness. Not gonna complain though!

Spent the rest of the day baking and considering that I have a door-less oven right now and have no cooking ability, my cookies tasted pretty damn good. Also bumped into a friend from primary school which was a nice surprise. Made me realise how much I've changed since the good old days of being only a single digit old. Its also funny how we can suddenly get on really well with the people we've not seen in ages and be completely comfortable, yet not fully be with some people in our own schools who we see all the time.

Time for Harry Potter film watching!

Sunshine! P.s...

Ok so since posting that I've had more requests to share anecdotes on my life and commentaries on things besides the university shabhang that has been going on. Right so I have decided that I will do and I will include some pictures, videos etc if they are necessary. Though for privacy sakes I'm afraid I can't divulge everything. Sorry :( but to be honest I'm not sure that you will understand a lot of it unless you know my interests/me so I will give you (as I need to run to the shops in a sec) a taster of 10 things about me/what I love/hate whatever:

1. I LOVE tea. I drink it a lot. and I mean A LOT.
2. I like watching a lot of american TV sitcoms, Big Bang Theory, Gossip Girl, Glee, etc as well as UK ones too, Waterloo Road, Holby City etc. as well as old classics.
3. Some people say that I am a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Take that as you will.
4. Some other people say that I am an old man for my love of cars, Top Gear, films and tv programs like The Sting, James Bond, Hustle etc. I also play Golf and get along with males better than females. Probably because I'm considered a bantersaurus rex.
5. Though from the above, I have a job at Princess and Princes academy. (no joke). Though I'm in no way posh and never will be.
6. I have a fear of ducks. I have anatidaephobia - the fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.
7. I love listening to music and going to gigs, though I am musically untalented.
8. I like finding inspiration from things. Think everyone should have inspiring things to help them through life. Even if it is the Arthur Theme tune
9. I talk way too much for my own good. And also laugh too much. Especially at things that no one else finds funny. Seem to find puns in everything.
10. I love learning about random facts to help my random nature - did you know there were 40,000 toilet related injuries in the USA last year?

Those were the first 10 things that popped into me and my friend's head. Hope that paints a picture for ya. Ooh and look at this, a first non medical school application related post!

Sunshine!

So nice to be writing this with a cup of tea looking out to the most beautiful weather I've seen all year. They say that the weather can change a person's mood and I completely agree with that!

Am on holiday now. Woke up after a long lie in and thought yay great, but then got a bit sad after realising that I missed school and can't believe I'll only have a month of it left when I get back! The weather made me happier though and went on a lovely walk instead of stuck in the classroom.

So how am I feeling? Feeling a lot better thanks. I'm still quite knackered and drained from it all but feeling really positive. Realised yesterday though after a conversation with a friend and after crying infront of a teacher that I think I am at my emotional peak! Never been this emotional I don't think. Weird how university rejections, tiredness and a low self esteem can change a usually private and positive person into an emotional fuse! Proud of how I'm dealing with the 'I feel so sorry for you's and 'oh you must be so disappointed's, I'm no longer shying away from the pity, and just accepting it. To be honest I don't think I've ever been so warmed and humbled by everyone's support. Got the NICEST card and letter I think I've ever received from a Godmothery Aunty today which really made me realise that even though there are disappointments, use it to my advantage - don't dwell on it and let it help me to grow. Also had lovely messages from some other uncles and cousins. Thanks guys, you are the best. All of this warmth and genuine sadness and people caring how I feel makes up for the disappointed pity I'm getting from people who don't even know what I'm about.

Apart from some sadness and a realisation of the person that I've been becoming that I hate, I had quite a nice day and there were some really nice instances. Aparantly some year 11's told a teacher that I was their biggest role model and that they look up to me and love that I'm the most realistic Dep Head (whatever that means) which nearly set me off! That's the loveliest thing I've ever heard. Some year 9's also gave me some easter eggs and sweets which was really cute. Ah well, don't mean to post that in a boastful way but more of a feelgood factor. When I look back on these posts, I'd quite like a reminder that everything these days isn't all depressive and sad!

So now onto Easter. I've been ordered by a lot of people to leave revision for a while and just relax, which I've attempted to do but I think I need a distraction. Going to spend time with all the people that I love for a few days and just enjoy the sunshine and life and then I think i'll let the revision mode kick in. I'm starting to get an inkling of motivation for revision which is lovely and making me think that ooh look the old self me is starting to come back. Hehe just smiled at that - more that I smiled at revision. In fact I'm smiling a lot more with genuine happiness which is great. Recently I have been keeping up smiling, but I'm not going to lie, most of those times it was a definite cover for anxiety. So glad that my real smiles are back :) One of my favourite teachers told me I need to keep smiling so hey, can't ignore that!

I realise that the past few posts have been full of my emotions and have had a sad ring to them, so I PROMISE that this is the last post like that. As I've said, I know I need a rejuvenation, so with that, be prepared for happier posts, with happier commentaries. Just paused as I'm writing this to take a call and one of my friends that reads this has said that apparantely I have some 'hilarious comments' on life and generally have some hilarious incidences or quirks that I've not posted about. (I don't think that the're hilarious) So i'm now being made to add some of these to my posts for the  (insert my name) factor. Even though this is called The Lost Medic Sheep, I've a feeling this is also going to contain some other comments and stories. Right.

Hindsight

Sorry, I've been so busy and ill for a couple of days so not been able to post. The time spent ill in bed has definitely given time for everything to sink in, and whilst for a while It was depressing and I felt sad and lost I've come out really excited for the year ahead and realised that hindsight is a wonderful thing!

Its still sad that all this effort throughout the year has come ended with disappointment but it has given me lots of food for thought and tonnes of advice that I can use for this year. A couple of weeks ago at the charity I had to give a talk on 'Inspired by the Expired' and I'm now finding inspiration from all these expired events/mistakes (or whatever you call them) from this year, funny that. Also from talking to future medics in the year below I've got a lot of advice to give, so after some requests I'll definitely have a few posts with advice (though do remember that advice is usually individualistic, so advice to one person may not be very helpful to you).

Its been weird having to sign myself up again for open days and what not, but at least now I have the biggest agenda and the greatest number of questions I can ask to make the right decisions. Thing is, I still keep questioning whether I want to enter medicine now or postgraduate. Its hard to identify whether I'm just disheartened from all the rejections or if I really should do another degree beforehand. Hmpf.

As for school, the best thing I can do right now is concentrate on my work and get the best grades possible. This is really hard when I have no motivation but hey, I guess I've just got to stick at it. Also feeling that I'm more and more ready to leave school. That's not because I don't love it, I think I'm just starting to accept that I'm going to have to spend a year in the 'big bad world' as an adult without the security and want that 'progress' to happen sooner than later. But I really really am going to miss school. More the people and atmosphere than anything. Haven't been the happiest with the advice I've been given from the careers department but as my wise friend said 'if they and UCAS messedd me over this year, then next year mess them both.' So I won't dwell on it.

It is a bit annoying though that some people know the situation I'm in, and talk to me but don't mention it. Its like 'i'm not ashamed about it anymore so you shouldn't either'. Especially the students that have become so big headed and arrogant after their Oxbridge offers (though that's not saying all those offer holders have become arrogant cause some have been so supportive). Speaking of which I told lots of my family about the rejections and they all responded really well, so I was pleasantly surprised. None of that disappointed pity (I hope).

So I need to go now and rest a bit more, but hopefully I will post soon with some advice. And I'm sorry if these posts have become a bit sad or unreadable (and I'm sorry to my close mates that I've been so miserable these past few days) - I am a bit sad about it all but I promise I'm being optimistic, so this phase shouldn't last long.