So thought that I'd make a start on revision and have a really productive day. What a fail. I did make some sort of a start though and did a little bit. But spent the majority of time looking up what I could do/where I could go on my gap year, online internet window shopping (haha), played a few online games, skyped a few people, spent time on wikipedia learning about sharks and wales, and also rearranged all my stationary.
Ooh and also ate a LOT of food. Fruit to be precise, and I'm quite proud of that, usually I just raid the junk cupboard.
Also had a delivery from an order I placed a while ago. Got so excited and quickly opened it up to realise - Oh maayn, I had ordered most clothes from the maternity section. Wah. So re-packaged most and sent it off again. Have kept one top though that is meant to be maternity - you can't tell though. Don't judge.
Got a really busy weekend this weekend starting off early on Saturday morning, and as I have to visit some family tonight can you believe it I'm going to stay in this Friday night :) Have also lost my oyster card (it is somewhere) which is making travel a bit annoying. Did have an offer for a BBQ at lovely person's house and also a dinner in Baker Street, but sadly had to decline because of my unproductive day and 5am wake up tomorrow grrr. And also could totally tell that my parents would be unimpressed because I've been out every night this week.
So yeah, ladida, that's Friday for me today. POW.
p.s. on Lost Medic Sheep news, revision, whilst a good distraction just gives more time to think about the gap year and university situation. GRR! I actually spent time looking on UCAS extra to see what I could possibly do so that I'm not a lost sheep and nearly, just nearly, clicked on Criminal Medicine and psychology at a remote university college in Wales.
Friday, 8 April 2011
Thursday, 7 April 2011
Flowers
Had a lovely day today in Regents Park and have decided to add it to my revision routine. The place was gorgeous! The prettiest flowers everywhere and with the sunshine and summery clothes it felt like July rather than April! Healthwise, some people say that sunshine makes people happier - heck science has proved it and I can definately vouch for that. I wonder if sun rays falling on our skins release actual endorphins (besides maybe causing skin cancer and helping with Vitamin D). I've spent the whole day feeling so happy and relaxed. All those university troubles and anxiety feels miles away. Though this may just be because I'm preoccupied with the weather and not cooped inside to wallow in sadness. Not gonna complain though!
Spent the rest of the day baking and considering that I have a door-less oven right now and have no cooking ability, my cookies tasted pretty damn good. Also bumped into a friend from primary school which was a nice surprise. Made me realise how much I've changed since the good old days of being only a single digit old. Its also funny how we can suddenly get on really well with the people we've not seen in ages and be completely comfortable, yet not fully be with some people in our own schools who we see all the time.
Time for Harry Potter film watching!
Spent the rest of the day baking and considering that I have a door-less oven right now and have no cooking ability, my cookies tasted pretty damn good. Also bumped into a friend from primary school which was a nice surprise. Made me realise how much I've changed since the good old days of being only a single digit old. Its also funny how we can suddenly get on really well with the people we've not seen in ages and be completely comfortable, yet not fully be with some people in our own schools who we see all the time.
Time for Harry Potter film watching!
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
Sunshine! P.s...
Ok so since posting that I've had more requests to share anecdotes on my life and commentaries on things besides the university shabhang that has been going on. Right so I have decided that I will do and I will include some pictures, videos etc if they are necessary. Though for privacy sakes I'm afraid I can't divulge everything. Sorry :( but to be honest I'm not sure that you will understand a lot of it unless you know my interests/me so I will give you (as I need to run to the shops in a sec) a taster of 10 things about me/what I love/hate whatever:
1. I LOVE tea. I drink it a lot. and I mean A LOT.
2. I like watching a lot of american TV sitcoms, Big Bang Theory, Gossip Girl, Glee, etc as well as UK ones too, Waterloo Road, Holby City etc. as well as old classics.
3. Some people say that I am a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Take that as you will.
4. Some other people say that I am an old man for my love of cars, Top Gear, films and tv programs like The Sting, James Bond, Hustle etc. I also play Golf and get along with males better than females. Probably because I'm considered a bantersaurus rex.
5. Though from the above, I have a job at Princess and Princes academy. (no joke). Though I'm in no way posh and never will be.
6. I have a fear of ducks. I have anatidaephobia - the fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.
7. I love listening to music and going to gigs, though I am musically untalented.
8. I like finding inspiration from things. Think everyone should have inspiring things to help them through life. Even if it is the Arthur Theme tune
9. I talk way too much for my own good. And also laugh too much. Especially at things that no one else finds funny. Seem to find puns in everything.
10. I love learning about random facts to help my random nature - did you know there were 40,000 toilet related injuries in the USA last year?
Those were the first 10 things that popped into me and my friend's head. Hope that paints a picture for ya. Ooh and look at this, a first non medical school application related post!
1. I LOVE tea. I drink it a lot. and I mean A LOT.
2. I like watching a lot of american TV sitcoms, Big Bang Theory, Gossip Girl, Glee, etc as well as UK ones too, Waterloo Road, Holby City etc. as well as old classics.
3. Some people say that I am a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Take that as you will.
4. Some other people say that I am an old man for my love of cars, Top Gear, films and tv programs like The Sting, James Bond, Hustle etc. I also play Golf and get along with males better than females. Probably because I'm considered a bantersaurus rex.
5. Though from the above, I have a job at Princess and Princes academy. (no joke). Though I'm in no way posh and never will be.
6. I have a fear of ducks. I have anatidaephobia - the fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.
7. I love listening to music and going to gigs, though I am musically untalented.
8. I like finding inspiration from things. Think everyone should have inspiring things to help them through life. Even if it is the Arthur Theme tune
9. I talk way too much for my own good. And also laugh too much. Especially at things that no one else finds funny. Seem to find puns in everything.
10. I love learning about random facts to help my random nature - did you know there were 40,000 toilet related injuries in the USA last year?
Those were the first 10 things that popped into me and my friend's head. Hope that paints a picture for ya. Ooh and look at this, a first non medical school application related post!
Sunshine!
So nice to be writing this with a cup of tea looking out to the most beautiful weather I've seen all year. They say that the weather can change a person's mood and I completely agree with that!
Am on holiday now. Woke up after a long lie in and thought yay great, but then got a bit sad after realising that I missed school and can't believe I'll only have a month of it left when I get back! The weather made me happier though and went on a lovely walk instead of stuck in the classroom.
So how am I feeling? Feeling a lot better thanks. I'm still quite knackered and drained from it all but feeling really positive. Realised yesterday though after a conversation with a friend and after crying infront of a teacher that I think I am at my emotional peak! Never been this emotional I don't think. Weird how university rejections, tiredness and a low self esteem can change a usually private and positive person into an emotional fuse! Proud of how I'm dealing with the 'I feel so sorry for you's and 'oh you must be so disappointed's, I'm no longer shying away from the pity, and just accepting it. To be honest I don't think I've ever been so warmed and humbled by everyone's support. Got the NICEST card and letter I think I've ever received from a Godmothery Aunty today which really made me realise that even though there are disappointments, use it to my advantage - don't dwell on it and let it help me to grow. Also had lovely messages from some other uncles and cousins. Thanks guys, you are the best. All of this warmth and genuine sadness and people caring how I feel makes up for the disappointed pity I'm getting from people who don't even know what I'm about.
Apart from some sadness and a realisation of the person that I've been becoming that I hate, I had quite a nice day and there were some really nice instances. Aparantly some year 11's told a teacher that I was their biggest role model and that they look up to me and love that I'm the most realistic Dep Head (whatever that means) which nearly set me off! That's the loveliest thing I've ever heard. Some year 9's also gave me some easter eggs and sweets which was really cute. Ah well, don't mean to post that in a boastful way but more of a feelgood factor. When I look back on these posts, I'd quite like a reminder that everything these days isn't all depressive and sad!
So now onto Easter. I've been ordered by a lot of people to leave revision for a while and just relax, which I've attempted to do but I think I need a distraction. Going to spend time with all the people that I love for a few days and just enjoy the sunshine and life and then I think i'll let the revision mode kick in. I'm starting to get an inkling of motivation for revision which is lovely and making me think that ooh look the old self me is starting to come back. Hehe just smiled at that - more that I smiled at revision. In fact I'm smiling a lot more with genuine happiness which is great. Recently I have been keeping up smiling, but I'm not going to lie, most of those times it was a definite cover for anxiety. So glad that my real smiles are back :) One of my favourite teachers told me I need to keep smiling so hey, can't ignore that!
I realise that the past few posts have been full of my emotions and have had a sad ring to them, so I PROMISE that this is the last post like that. As I've said, I know I need a rejuvenation, so with that, be prepared for happier posts, with happier commentaries. Just paused as I'm writing this to take a call and one of my friends that reads this has said that apparantely I have some 'hilarious comments' on life and generally have some hilarious incidences or quirks that I've not posted about. (I don't think that the're hilarious) So i'm now being made to add some of these to my posts for the (insert my name) factor. Even though this is called The Lost Medic Sheep, I've a feeling this is also going to contain some other comments and stories. Right.
Am on holiday now. Woke up after a long lie in and thought yay great, but then got a bit sad after realising that I missed school and can't believe I'll only have a month of it left when I get back! The weather made me happier though and went on a lovely walk instead of stuck in the classroom.
So how am I feeling? Feeling a lot better thanks. I'm still quite knackered and drained from it all but feeling really positive. Realised yesterday though after a conversation with a friend and after crying infront of a teacher that I think I am at my emotional peak! Never been this emotional I don't think. Weird how university rejections, tiredness and a low self esteem can change a usually private and positive person into an emotional fuse! Proud of how I'm dealing with the 'I feel so sorry for you's and 'oh you must be so disappointed's, I'm no longer shying away from the pity, and just accepting it. To be honest I don't think I've ever been so warmed and humbled by everyone's support. Got the NICEST card and letter I think I've ever received from a Godmothery Aunty today which really made me realise that even though there are disappointments, use it to my advantage - don't dwell on it and let it help me to grow. Also had lovely messages from some other uncles and cousins. Thanks guys, you are the best. All of this warmth and genuine sadness and people caring how I feel makes up for the disappointed pity I'm getting from people who don't even know what I'm about.
Apart from some sadness and a realisation of the person that I've been becoming that I hate, I had quite a nice day and there were some really nice instances. Aparantly some year 11's told a teacher that I was their biggest role model and that they look up to me and love that I'm the most realistic Dep Head (whatever that means) which nearly set me off! That's the loveliest thing I've ever heard. Some year 9's also gave me some easter eggs and sweets which was really cute. Ah well, don't mean to post that in a boastful way but more of a feelgood factor. When I look back on these posts, I'd quite like a reminder that everything these days isn't all depressive and sad!
So now onto Easter. I've been ordered by a lot of people to leave revision for a while and just relax, which I've attempted to do but I think I need a distraction. Going to spend time with all the people that I love for a few days and just enjoy the sunshine and life and then I think i'll let the revision mode kick in. I'm starting to get an inkling of motivation for revision which is lovely and making me think that ooh look the old self me is starting to come back. Hehe just smiled at that - more that I smiled at revision. In fact I'm smiling a lot more with genuine happiness which is great. Recently I have been keeping up smiling, but I'm not going to lie, most of those times it was a definite cover for anxiety. So glad that my real smiles are back :) One of my favourite teachers told me I need to keep smiling so hey, can't ignore that!
I realise that the past few posts have been full of my emotions and have had a sad ring to them, so I PROMISE that this is the last post like that. As I've said, I know I need a rejuvenation, so with that, be prepared for happier posts, with happier commentaries. Just paused as I'm writing this to take a call and one of my friends that reads this has said that apparantely I have some 'hilarious comments' on life and generally have some hilarious incidences or quirks that I've not posted about. (I don't think that the're hilarious) So i'm now being made to add some of these to my posts for the (insert my name) factor. Even though this is called The Lost Medic Sheep, I've a feeling this is also going to contain some other comments and stories. Right.
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Hindsight
Sorry, I've been so busy and ill for a couple of days so not been able to post. The time spent ill in bed has definitely given time for everything to sink in, and whilst for a while It was depressing and I felt sad and lost I've come out really excited for the year ahead and realised that hindsight is a wonderful thing!
Its still sad that all this effort throughout the year has come ended with disappointment but it has given me lots of food for thought and tonnes of advice that I can use for this year. A couple of weeks ago at the charity I had to give a talk on 'Inspired by the Expired' and I'm now finding inspiration from all these expired events/mistakes (or whatever you call them) from this year, funny that. Also from talking to future medics in the year below I've got a lot of advice to give, so after some requests I'll definitely have a few posts with advice (though do remember that advice is usually individualistic, so advice to one person may not be very helpful to you).
Its been weird having to sign myself up again for open days and what not, but at least now I have the biggest agenda and the greatest number of questions I can ask to make the right decisions. Thing is, I still keep questioning whether I want to enter medicine now or postgraduate. Its hard to identify whether I'm just disheartened from all the rejections or if I really should do another degree beforehand. Hmpf.
As for school, the best thing I can do right now is concentrate on my work and get the best grades possible. This is really hard when I have no motivation but hey, I guess I've just got to stick at it. Also feeling that I'm more and more ready to leave school. That's not because I don't love it, I think I'm just starting to accept that I'm going to have to spend a year in the 'big bad world' as an adult without the security and want that 'progress' to happen sooner than later. But I really really am going to miss school. More the people and atmosphere than anything. Haven't been the happiest with the advice I've been given from the careers department but as my wise friend said 'if they and UCAS messedd me over this year, then next year mess them both.' So I won't dwell on it.
It is a bit annoying though that some people know the situation I'm in, and talk to me but don't mention it. Its like 'i'm not ashamed about it anymore so you shouldn't either'. Especially the students that have become so big headed and arrogant after their Oxbridge offers (though that's not saying all those offer holders have become arrogant cause some have been so supportive). Speaking of which I told lots of my family about the rejections and they all responded really well, so I was pleasantly surprised. None of that disappointed pity (I hope).
So I need to go now and rest a bit more, but hopefully I will post soon with some advice. And I'm sorry if these posts have become a bit sad or unreadable (and I'm sorry to my close mates that I've been so miserable these past few days) - I am a bit sad about it all but I promise I'm being optimistic, so this phase shouldn't last long.
Its still sad that all this effort throughout the year has come ended with disappointment but it has given me lots of food for thought and tonnes of advice that I can use for this year. A couple of weeks ago at the charity I had to give a talk on 'Inspired by the Expired' and I'm now finding inspiration from all these expired events/mistakes (or whatever you call them) from this year, funny that. Also from talking to future medics in the year below I've got a lot of advice to give, so after some requests I'll definitely have a few posts with advice (though do remember that advice is usually individualistic, so advice to one person may not be very helpful to you).
Its been weird having to sign myself up again for open days and what not, but at least now I have the biggest agenda and the greatest number of questions I can ask to make the right decisions. Thing is, I still keep questioning whether I want to enter medicine now or postgraduate. Its hard to identify whether I'm just disheartened from all the rejections or if I really should do another degree beforehand. Hmpf.
As for school, the best thing I can do right now is concentrate on my work and get the best grades possible. This is really hard when I have no motivation but hey, I guess I've just got to stick at it. Also feeling that I'm more and more ready to leave school. That's not because I don't love it, I think I'm just starting to accept that I'm going to have to spend a year in the 'big bad world' as an adult without the security and want that 'progress' to happen sooner than later. But I really really am going to miss school. More the people and atmosphere than anything. Haven't been the happiest with the advice I've been given from the careers department but as my wise friend said 'if they and UCAS messedd me over this year, then next year mess them both.' So I won't dwell on it.
It is a bit annoying though that some people know the situation I'm in, and talk to me but don't mention it. Its like 'i'm not ashamed about it anymore so you shouldn't either'. Especially the students that have become so big headed and arrogant after their Oxbridge offers (though that's not saying all those offer holders have become arrogant cause some have been so supportive). Speaking of which I told lots of my family about the rejections and they all responded really well, so I was pleasantly surprised. None of that disappointed pity (I hope).
So I need to go now and rest a bit more, but hopefully I will post soon with some advice. And I'm sorry if these posts have become a bit sad or unreadable (and I'm sorry to my close mates that I've been so miserable these past few days) - I am a bit sad about it all but I promise I'm being optimistic, so this phase shouldn't last long.
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
The wait is now over!
So I heard from that final medical school today in the form of a rejection. :(. Not quite sure how I feel. Shed a few tears, but I'm not sure if that was more over relief that I now know from everywhere or the rejection itself. But now after a few hours, I'm feeling optimistic and excited for what the year may bring. Now I can have the most amazing gap year and do exactly what I want to do, yet I still have to think about finance and I'm hating that I could have had the opportunity for the low fees but have blown it and will have to pay the high ones. Bleurgh.
But I'm actually quite surprised at how i've delt with this all. Thought I'd be a lot more upset about it than I am, but maybe I'm just deluding myself. People who found out were so supportive, and I felt so warm (i've always thought that I wouldn't know how to act when people start saying they feel sorry for me, I HATE pity) though I couldn't believe that a few teachers passed me when I was crying and didn't even stop to ask if I was ok. But I didn't think about that at the time, I definately do NOT want to be molly-coddled and to be honest I shouldn't (and don't) care about that. One really nice teacher even gave me some easter mini eggs which was so sweet, and my closest friends have been incredible, so I'm fine.
Looking to the future now, I guess this all happened for a reason, whether I deserved it or not. Better concentrate on my A levels, and just grasp whatever may happen over this next year. Its annoying that I may have to do the UKCAT, BMAT etc all over again, but at least this time I get to do it all with my A level results and with maturity and experience which can only benefit my application.
But I'm actually quite surprised at how i've delt with this all. Thought I'd be a lot more upset about it than I am, but maybe I'm just deluding myself. People who found out were so supportive, and I felt so warm (i've always thought that I wouldn't know how to act when people start saying they feel sorry for me, I HATE pity) though I couldn't believe that a few teachers passed me when I was crying and didn't even stop to ask if I was ok. But I didn't think about that at the time, I definately do NOT want to be molly-coddled and to be honest I shouldn't (and don't) care about that. One really nice teacher even gave me some easter mini eggs which was so sweet, and my closest friends have been incredible, so I'm fine.
Looking to the future now, I guess this all happened for a reason, whether I deserved it or not. Better concentrate on my A levels, and just grasp whatever may happen over this next year. Its annoying that I may have to do the UKCAT, BMAT etc all over again, but at least this time I get to do it all with my A level results and with maturity and experience which can only benefit my application.
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Aeek so read over my previous posts and I think i'm getting a bit too cheesy. But hopefully now that I've laid out my situation I can offer more readable and interesting posts!
So still no news from that last uni. Grr, but at least some excitement over an email today wasn't lost - Starbucks are giving me a free bag of coffee on Thursday - hooray! On a final medically lost sheep related note, I was interrogated today by lots of potential medics in the year below who were interested in what I had to say. Weird giving them advice from the 'other side of the table' but it kind of felt odd as some of the things that I was telling them I kind of wish I knew before whole application shabang! But also reminded me how much respect I have for the teacher who helps all us potential medics out and just how much effort she put it in to help us all, so at least I feel very assured that if I do need to reapply, i've got a lot of knowledge from this UCAS cycle, and a helpful teacher that can only strengthen my application.
We had a speaker today who was a political journalist. Thought it might not be very interesting but it was suprisingly really informative and made me think. I've never really been interested in politics as a subject, constitutions etc - the attacking nature of MPs and the fact that huge conflicts arise, plus the pompous nature of many of them, but I definately don't want to sit back quietly. Everyone has a voice and I think we should all use it to express our opinion (and not in an aggressive and derogatory way) for a better change. After all we are citizens! (and I am 18 and can vote :D) So from this and a talk on Sunday I'm definately spurred on to help make a good change. He did also teach us how much your life could be exposed to the public eye. Kinda relates to medicine too. Doctors that aren't happy with a way that a hospital is working should speak up so that it can be changed for the better. I also think we should have more Baronness Doctors in the House of Lords (if that is possible), maybe then, many of the health reforms may have happened differently.
Ah what a ramble. Not much to contribute today but maybe, JUST maybe I'll be able to post some news about that final university that I'm waiting on tomorrow. Also for you that are from The Student Room, feel free to comment with feedback or show how you are feeling if you are in a similar situation.
So still no news from that last uni. Grr, but at least some excitement over an email today wasn't lost - Starbucks are giving me a free bag of coffee on Thursday - hooray! On a final medically lost sheep related note, I was interrogated today by lots of potential medics in the year below who were interested in what I had to say. Weird giving them advice from the 'other side of the table' but it kind of felt odd as some of the things that I was telling them I kind of wish I knew before whole application shabang! But also reminded me how much respect I have for the teacher who helps all us potential medics out and just how much effort she put it in to help us all, so at least I feel very assured that if I do need to reapply, i've got a lot of knowledge from this UCAS cycle, and a helpful teacher that can only strengthen my application.
We had a speaker today who was a political journalist. Thought it might not be very interesting but it was suprisingly really informative and made me think. I've never really been interested in politics as a subject, constitutions etc - the attacking nature of MPs and the fact that huge conflicts arise, plus the pompous nature of many of them, but I definately don't want to sit back quietly. Everyone has a voice and I think we should all use it to express our opinion (and not in an aggressive and derogatory way) for a better change. After all we are citizens! (and I am 18 and can vote :D) So from this and a talk on Sunday I'm definately spurred on to help make a good change. He did also teach us how much your life could be exposed to the public eye. Kinda relates to medicine too. Doctors that aren't happy with a way that a hospital is working should speak up so that it can be changed for the better. I also think we should have more Baronness Doctors in the House of Lords (if that is possible), maybe then, many of the health reforms may have happened differently.
Ah what a ramble. Not much to contribute today but maybe, JUST maybe I'll be able to post some news about that final university that I'm waiting on tomorrow. Also for you that are from The Student Room, feel free to comment with feedback or show how you are feeling if you are in a similar situation.
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